*Disclaimer: I don't expect for anybody to understand this post nor feel like they have to comment.*
I feel so blessed in my life right now. Since I went through the whole postpartum depression/anxiety and TMJ syndrome thing just two years ago, everything feels completely different for me now. Today my heart feels very full. I just feel so alive! My jaw doesn't hurt so much anymore, my postpartum and anxiety have been gone for over a year now. I am able to get up early in the morning and exercise, lift weights. I love love love to run. I love being a Mom. I love taking care of my house, being a wife, listening to music, baking and creating! Truly this is one of the lords tender mercies in my life. I can tell you that two years ago I was in a whole other world. I remember thinking day in and day out: will this ever go away? Will my zest for life ever come back? I just want to feel normal again. Does God see me? Can he hear my cries? Does he see what is happening to me? If he loves me, why won't he take these hard things away?
Well, here I sit two years later and can look back and these questions are now answered. My postpartum depression and anxiety did go away. I do feel normal again! I know God was aware of me in my great struggle. He heard every one of my cries! He saw everything that I went through! Amazing what some people don't know that happens behind closes doors. If you could have peered in, you would have seen a scared girl literally crying out for God's mercy in front of her kids. I know I scared them a few times. I know God loves me and he can't take every one of my pains away. He allows us moments and little glimmers of hope through trials that can get us by until the next glimmer. It's the refiners fire. Truly I feel I have been refined. I am more understanding of others suffering. Less judgmental. More optimistic. My outlook is completely different. I am so driven. I now take every opportunity to do things I always wanted to do, but haven't. I don't tell myself that I can't do hard things anymore. And I laugh and giggle through most of them. Does God want us to live on this earth and get beat down by every little thing that goes wrong? No way! I now know what kind of guts I'm made of when hard things are put in my path.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Loving life
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5 comments:
Im not commenting cuz i feel i have to, im commenting becuase i WANT to. No.. i have not gone through MOST of the things you have...but i have felt very alone depressed and wondering the same questions. I too have been blessed and for the most part am so happy. I look back, and i know have a stronger testimony that... whatever im going through, i can trust and rely on him. It doesnt matter how hard the trial is. He will help me. Ive also learned that were all Gods children and he sends angels to help us. Lily, you are my angel you helped me and help me every day. Its awesome you posted this. YOu and your kids can look back and look to your example.
Hey Lily, I may not understand your situation but I do understand when you feel hopeless and lost. Depression is a hard road which you were lucky enough to conquer. Isn't it a comfort to know that no matter what the Lord will never leave you & will always love you no matter what?
Do I need to get tickets? To the GUN show:)
PS. there is nothing vain about being proud of your body and the work that you do to be healthy. Because it isn't an easy thing and we should relish in our accomplishments.
Looking good Lily! Be proud of yourself for sure!! You deserve it, you work very very hard!
Lily, you are amazing. There have been many times that a post on your blog has touch me and been exactly what I needed to be reminded of. And this is one of them. Thank you for being open and honest about your feelings.
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